It Appears I May Have Been Wrong...Shattering The Stereotypes.

1. Appearances: He looks as if butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth.
What you're thinking: Could you please show me the way to the bad boys?
Reality: What he does with butter is illegal in forty-two of the fifty states.

2. Appearances: He’s polite, attentive and considerate.
What you're thinking: Too sweet.
Reality: He does things to you that make you want to go to confession. (And sing from the rooftops, “Ah, sweet mystery of life, at last I’ve found you.”)

3. Appearances: He looks like one of those guys who spent most of his weekends playing scrabble.
What you're thinking: Brainy but boring.
Reality: You suddenly feel the need for new adjectives to describe how incredible the sex is and could qualify for the space program when he's done sending you into outer space.

4. Appearances: He’s the type of guy you take home to meet the family.
What you're thinking: My family would ditch me and keep him.
Reality: You send the family a postcard from the bedroom saying, “I’m glad you’re not here.”

5. Appearances: He looks wet behind the ears.
What you're thinking: Inexperienced.
Reality: He makes you so wet you’ve had to buy plastic sheets.

6. Appearances: He’s in fair shape.
What you're thinking: I’d break him in half.
Reality: He makes the terminator look like a pantywaist. I mean this man puts the energizer bunny to shame and you start to wonder if demons drive Fords.

7. Appearances: He’ll be perfect in about ten years.
What you're thinking: I envy the woman he’s with in ten years.
Reality: You’d have to pry him loose from my cold, dead hands!