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Or maybe it never got started. Here’s some sure fire ways to know if you’re with a sleeping lion or just a plain old napping cat.
Most of us have had situations arise in our sex lives that have given us pause, but how can we be sure if there’s reason to worry? I’ve taken the liberty of giving you a few examples and should they resemble anything you’ve heard from your partner, run!
1.You are feeling amorous and whisper to him that you’d love to go back to bed and make love.
To which he replies, “I wish you’d have told me that before I showered. I’m all clean now!” (If this were indicative of his implying that he had really dirty sex in mind, I might have been sympathetic, as it was, he meant that he didn’t want to get ‘sweaty’ after having a shower.)
2.You’re in bed together and while kissing him, you ask if he would like to have his world rocked.
He answers, “You know how sick I get on rides.”
3.Thinking you’ll surprise him; you put on a lovely piece of lingerie and perfume, sliding up next to him you say, “Honey, let’s do something different and fun, what do you say?”
With a straight face, he states, “I’ve just got undressed.” (Cue to take up knitting.)
4.At some point, you forgo even trying to be seductive and just come out with something like “Wanna fuck?”
Whereby you may receive an answer that resembles this: “Go on then, I’ve got a few minutes before football starts.”
5.Trying to shock him into some sort of sexual frenzy, you say “I want you to cum all over my tits!” (That should make any man take notice, don’t you think?) You see his blank stare and ask, “How does that sound?”
He sits looking bewildered before answering, “That sounds rather delightful.” (I thought to myself, No one is THAT English and reached for the chocolate.)
And lastly, you know that the honeymoon is over if you suddenly develop a new appreciation for anatomy, because you’re happy to find urine dribbles on the toilet seat.
At least he’s using his penis for something!
Monday 15 March 2010
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